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First time on this site...cracking up...
this is the highlight "and since I read lips, it appeared that he was threatening to 'beat the brakes' off my woman. I know I should not have acted the way I did, but I'm the only man who can talk to her like that. There was no time to call security. She would have had a Timberland emblem imprinted on her forehead if I had waited for them to do something."
You are insane...