You know what really grinds my gears? (Please don't sue me Seth McFarlane!)

You know those commercials with fat ass Sally Struthers begging you to give 80 cents a day to little Ummbaboo or little *click click snap* or little Estaban so that they won't have flies and shit crawling around on their eyeballs? You know the ones that come on late at night while you are waiting on the Girls Gone Wild commercial to come on and you're looking for your lotion?

They've been doing those joints for like 20 years or so now right? So why the fuck haven't they updated any of those stories? Like at this point shouldn't they have had AT LEAST ONE success story to report back? Like, "You muthafuckas don't believe your 80 cents a day make a difference? Well look at Mufasa here! Twenty years ago he was starving and about to die, and now look at him, he's a medical doctor!" Or even moderate success like, "Look at Jarwahalal here! 20 years ago he was suffering from kwashiokor, now look, he's a NYC cab driver!"

No, we get nothing of the sort, as a matter of fact I think they show the same suffering kids from like 15 years ago on those commercials!! You know what your 80 cents a day is going to? The Sally Struthers Donut Fund, now that looks like a cause that's been working!!!

So I propose this, instead of giving your 80 cents to her, send it to me. E-mail me at calvin@[no-spam]killacal.net and I'll give you instructions! In addition I'll send you a picture of me eating out at Cheesecake Factory and other restuarants to prove that your money isn't going to waste!!

Last week, Apple unveiled the fifth generation iPod, with video playback capability. Imagine the great possibilities of carrying your porn collection, photos and videos, with you everywhere. Get a little edgy at work, a little stressed, grab your iPod and head to the bathroom and rub one out. No more waiting to go home. Use your fifteen minute break to love yourself.

What if you are the creative type? Well you can sync your porn picture stash with your favorite music to produce a porn-tastic slideshow. Be the envy of your friends as you climax just as Axle Rose screams “Welcome to the Jungle, your gonna dieeeeee”.

The new video capable iPod, 1,000 money shots in your pocket. I’m already converting my video collection.

MySpace.com, the latest and biggest internet Trend since... the "Live Journal" craze.( that bullshit. Anyway... ) there are tons of community sites out there but myspace seems to be the biggest. And you know why?

My Space is a collective of all the people who fell off the face of the earth to somebody at some point. But now since the creation of MySpace, you can now reunite with you former mates who have all of a sudden surfaced! JOY!!

However... with reuniting with some of your fallen off the earth former commrads. Sometimes you discover why "somehow" you lost contact with them in the first place. And find we our selves once again trying to excuse our selves of their company. but its not like that all the time... sometimes your happy to see your long lost pal, and you can pick back up right where yall left off.

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